Pulse. impulse and everything between.
IMPULSE: well its been a way to start off the new year. my divorce was finalized in January i moved from utah county to salt lake city. watched as my family tore its self apart, their influence by angst has pushed me farther back from where i want to be. i used to go to my moms house to see my niece and check up on my mom. though she thought i was only there just to see teona i never told her i was there to see her, now its almost too late- after defending the same family that pushes me away i am the bad guy in this situation my sisters world is crashing down around her and yet its easy for her to blame the same people she sabotages. having back surgery isn’t fun though i try to push my self every day seems like i overdue it so i think im going to let my wounds heal and my back heal as well and take time to finish a project that is very difficult to for me to do “Cold November” its hard writing about things that have such an impact on me. for months i have been consumed by the very hate my family breeds but not any more i am cutting all negative ties that have bounded me whether it be family life love or things in between my impulses have made choices for me before lately i have let those impulses be ignored … not any more so its time for me to take my time and heal body and mind, ink my thoughts with the thin strips of emotion. i will be back, i will heal i will be better that i ever have been. so instead of saying fuck you to my problems im saying a BIG FUCK YOU and doing what needs to be done.PULSE: maybe a chemical imbalance, my thoughts run rampant sometimes i try to run away but in the end it catches up with me. the weaker me would stop and not move forward but just stay in that content zone afraid of what might be or what could have been. yesterday was that new day and it was the day time for me stood still. changing of pace, reversing a heart beat, fuck the light or brighter path, i wont wallow in my regrets but get past them with what i have left. i will unplug my cords….And goAnd everything between.its been awhile since i have wrote down my thoughts
or what ever you want to call it.
take a ton of emotions, words, time and alot of
obstacles put them in a blender and thats what ive
been up to lately. and how i feel lately
today i found out im having a baby boy, i wanted a girl but had other plans for me i guess. lets see my mother passed away, i had my back surgery some of you already know that. a friend killed himself and my girlfriends dad has passed
away on thanksgiving, lost a really close friend cause of his wife.
on top of all this its christmas. i say this every year but FUCK holidays
Fuck 2007 Fuck everything. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
lets see what 2008 brings. i know i am having a boy same month my mom died
Leave a Reply