Im Sorry

my nightmares haunt me. still its the same one with my mother. im afraid i have no where to hide. my hand shake there are bags under my eyes i feel the weight but dont want to fall asleep to something that i can not touch in this life. im sick if the endless nights and empty days. its coming up on your two year mark since you have been gone, the days i go to your grave are numbered and growing smaller each day. fuck im sick of all these thoughts in my head, all these notes on the computer or paper that go nowhere, the whole world can read but you cant. i cry when i even talk about you. that seems to happen more and more. i wish you could see my son he just learned how to walk, he talks so much but sometimes none of that seems worth celebrating with out you around. i wish you could hold him, and have him know who you are. and how proud of me for what im doing in my life, to see me graduate. or get married, encourage me to do the right things and to say i told you so when i make mistakes, you know as artistic we both are we have never painted anything together. i wish i could sit next to you and tell you how i feel. i know that will never happen its hard for me to understand it still seems like i can call you on the phone or come over at 2am and find you sitting asleep in the chair playing solitaire : i really miss you.

Love you

wes

~ by Wes on March 14, 2009.