… and three years later!
i don’t know what to write at the moment. i have a lot of blank ideas and emptiness.
there are several things in my head and heart right now. recently i have been having a lot of dreams about my mother, some running errands, and others with her just in it.
the last two dreams i have had,
1st one : i was again running an errand to get her something and when i came back to her house i sat down at the Table and looked at another blank memory and told her that you are not real, that was about the time i woke up.
2nd one : this keeps happening the last couple of days, i will dream of her the day she died, in full detail, i see her on her bed sitting and my niece was running in and out of the the room and my mom was smoking and put her cigarette out and then she was telling my niece to calm down as my sister was changing the load of laundry and my mom kind of tipped over with my niece in the end of the bed and she yelled out for my sister and then took her last breath.
i have no idea what this means but i can not sleep right i am afraid if i do then i will keep dreaming of what happened that day,
but the odd thing that has been going on it feels like reality has kicked back in and it has not been around since my mother has died. 3 years of nothing and now coming back, its true that life goes on and there has been a lot of things that has happened since then. still in school, i have a kid now and i am almost graduated from my bachelors degree. and i don’t have the slightest fucking clue on what to do next…
